The truth is irrelevant all the time, not just in ADR Services

The truth is irrelevant all the time, not just in ADR Services

“I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth”

Every American witness pledges this oath in legal proceedings where the truth needs to be revealed. Former president Bill Clinton, pledged this same oath and shamed his country.

Whether in the courtroom or around the mediation table, honesty and veracity are important virtues. If one lies his or her integrity becomes in question. After Bill Gates was cross-examined in the antitrust trial his credibility fell, in the eyes of judge Jackson and the American public. His whole story became suspicious.

The importance of credibility is displayed in mediation as well. The settlement requires one gaining the trust of an adversary in order to reach agreement and then sign a deal. The truth is easier to find in a one on one case without open opinion.

Truthfully, does it matter whether Bill Clinton had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky? Or whether her dress was dry-cleaned or not? What is interesting is that the truth brought forth on the matter went beyond the topic at hand. Do the American people, Congress, and Bill Clinton’s family still trust him? What is Monica Lewinsky’s life like now? The case shifted the focus of the country from worrying about the economic climate and international affairs to personal issues and dramatics. 

We focused on the wrong part of the conflict and the more important goals were neglected. From a different perspective, the truth remains different for every individual and would never be reconciled. The President’s personal affairs are less important than the lie he told: “I never had sex with that woman”.

In an attempt to cover the story, he lost his credibility. President Clinton and the prosecution team lost their focus on the important goals and did the country a disservice, in the name of finding “the truth”.

There were other options afforded to the President at that time. He could have apologized, and worked everything out personally instead of choosing to dwell on the past. He could have made greater efforts to redeem his name for the future.

We all have choices

You have the same choices in your conflicts. In your last troubles with someone you cared about, what percentage of the discussion was based on what caused the problem? How much time was devoted towards developing solutions for the future. What can you take from that conversation as a useful tool for the future. The truth is not important when trying to find a solution for the future. Concentration on the truth means dwelling in the past and results in broken relationships. We have to focus on trying to draw future solutions for problems.